My heartaches when you cry

 Dear Mavis,

My heart broke the moment I saw your tears.

Tears I caused because I was too selfish with you. I wanted all of you, always, in every way, and I let that want cloud my love. I didn’t mean to hurt you, not ever, but in trying to keep you close, I pushed too hard.

I’ve been thinking about the moment you cried...How your eyes, always so full of warmth and light, filled with pain because of me. That image plays over in my mind, and it breaks something in me every single time. I never wanted to be the reason for your sadness. I never wanted my love to be something that hurt you.

But I see now that I was being selfish. I was so caught up in wanting you, your time, your attention, your presence. All I wanted is of you, every piece, all the time, and in that want, I didn’t leave room for your space, your freedom, or your own heart to breathe. And that was wrong.

I didn’t mean to make you feel trapped. I didn’t realize that my love, when wrapped in fear and possessiveness, could become something heavy instead of something healing. But I see it now. I see what I did, and I see how it hurt you. And I hate that I did that.

I love you too deeply to keep repeating that mistake. I love you enough to learn, to grow, to do better for you, but because you deserve nothing less. From now on, I want to love you in a way that feels like freedom, like peace, like home. I want to be someone who supports you, the one who puts a smile on your face, never the one who makes you cry.

I can’t promise I’ll be perfect.

But I can promise I’ll be better. I’ll listen more. I’ll give more space when it’s needed. I’ll love you the way you deserve to be loved.

Thank you for being patient with me, even when I didn’t deserve it. And thank you for showing me what real love looks like, I’m learning. I’m trying. And I hope, in time, you’ll feel the difference.

Always yours,
B